-- letting go? kayla

[eli parker cadence]

There came a point in everyone’s life when a hard choice had to be made; to let go of something. It was just a matter of life. There were some things that, love as you may, you needed to let go. They’d run their course and the situation had nothing left for you but pain. Sometimes it never had anything good for you to start with, but then no one ever liked to admit that right off the bat. It took time for people to realise there was nothing there. Some people longer than others; Eli in particular. He wasn’t really good at reading the signs. Really, he just didn’t like reading, so could you blame him?

He’d finally seen it though. The big huge neon sign that it was just not going to happen. That he needed to man up, and move on. Kayla Kent was not, and would never be his. Her continual and complete obliviousness to his advances made that perfectly clear. No matter what he did, how obvious he tried to make it seem, she just seemed to smile mildly and make some comment about how they were friends. There was only so much he could take. Only so much a bloody guy could take. So help him god. She gave him freakin’ blue balls, just with that stupid mild smile.

That wasn’t so much of a shock though was it? It was no secret that Kayla was attractive. It didn’t take someone in love with the girl to see that. Her dark hair, her eyes, the way her mouth- No. He needed to focus. And believe it or not, thinking about the way her mouth moved when she was nervous or shy was not helping his course. Trying to focus on all the reasons why he needed to let go of his feelings was hard on its own. He did not need the aid of his raging hormones to lead him astray. They got him into enough trouble as it was. And he needed to come to some sort of a choice, he’d asked her over and she’d be there soon.

What, in all reality, did he have to offer her? His heart. That was true. It was hers for the taking. Was that enough though? Was it really enough to put his heart up for taking? Especially when the person he was offering it to really did not want it. He needed something else to offer, and as it stood, he had nothing. He was nothing. He was a college drop-out with no future prospects. More likely to break a chair (or God forbid, Kayla) when he’s upset then to actually talk about it. He wasn’t at all what she deserved, and maybe it was time to stop being so completely selfish and let her go, to find someone she could be happy with. Because let’s face it, the jealous dick didn’t make it easy to her to see anyone.

He was going to let her go. Loosen his romantic attachment to her. It was the right thing to do after all. He didn’t exactly need to inform her of his decision, as she wasn’t aware there was a decision to be made. It was just, he knew that to stick to his decision he’d need to pull back a little. Not call her every moment of the day just to say silly things, and not hold her quite so closely when they watched TV. Little things that he was sure to notice. She deserved to know why there were changes between them.

It wasn’t the first time he’d tried to make this choice. Asked her to come over to talk and she’d walk in and it would all change. His resolve would melt away and all he would want is to hold her, and smell her hair.. Or he’d just wordlessly try to slip away. It would be okay for a few days.. That was until she needed him and he’d melt like the fool he was. He was really bad at sticking to things. Or well, at least this thing. How do you let go of it all though? How do you look the one you love in the eye and tell her that you don’t wish to love her anymore? Sometimes he wished he could just make it easy. Like a game of baseball. Oh please let her walk in and it be like baseball....

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[kayla]

When was the last time that Kayla Kent ever opened her heart to love? When she was sixteen years old. What? That was such a long time ago, and yet she's never had anything sense then. Out of fear mostly, fear of getting hurt, fear of hurting someone else. She was so used to being "The Other Kent" that she never really thought of herself as a romantic option. The last time she felt love, was actually with one of Alyson's ex boyfriends. If that didn't help her inferiority complex. But then, almost as soon as she gave herself to him, he bailed. Disappeared after his father and older brother. Never to be seen again. When someone leaves you like that, you didn't just get over it. So Kayla seemed to close her heart out to anyone else who could have come around. Even the one person that was right in front of her the whole time. Eli Cadence.

When he called, his tone was different, unlike anything she was used to. It was quiet, almost sad. It had sparked her interest and she had agreed to come as soon as she could. She literally dropped the envelopes she was sealing and grabbed her coat to leave. Eli mattered to her, more than she herself enough realized. He was the one guy that she could really count on. The man that stood by her, and helped her when she needed it. Despite all of their differences, they clicked so well. He was a sports fan, she was a literature nut. He was a rough houser, she was a home body. And yet they spent scads of time together and she was too oblivious to see what was right in front of her. Maybe she didn't want to see. Fear of losing what they had with each other. The amazing and reliable friendship.

She stared out the windshield as she sped off to Eli's, her green eyes moving across the road, her mind swimming. What did he need to say that was so disheartening that he couldn't say it on the phone? Was he leaving? The thought caused her grip on the steering wheel to tighten and her eyes sudden well up. He wouldn't. He couldn't. He wouldn't leave her like this.

"I can't.." He said as he moved down the walk. Kayla rushed after him, her hands grasping at his arms as she turned him around. Tears rolled down her face as she stared into his eyes with intensity and sorrow. "So that's it? You're leaving! Will, you can't!" She cried and she felt his hands against the sides of her face as he planted a kiss against her forehead. It was insulting. She jerk free and watched as he stared down at her with those bright blue eyes. Did it matter that she was dying inside it? Did he even care that with every passing second, her heart shattered into a million more pieces and just kept breaking? "It's just how it has to be, Kay-bear, I'm sorry...Take care of yourself for me." Then he turned, his hands leaving her as he rushed down toward his running car. Kayla shuddered, tears trickling down her face as he drove off, the sound of tires against pavement making her crumble to the ground beneath her. "Will!" She screamed after him before she closed her eyes and held her head. He abandoned her.

Kayla hadn't realized how fast she was going until she heard a car horn sound in front of her. She was shocked out of her memory before she turned onto Eli's street. This woudn't happen again. Eli wouldn't leave her like that. The thing was, Eli was just her friend. They never made claims on each other, but they just seemed to fall into that sense of complacency with their relationship. Despite the attraction and the fact that they did nearly everything together. He even took her to those silly formals at school. They cuddled and watched movies and sports together. He hugged her every chance he had. She then pulled up the driveway and killed the engine. She sat there for a minute, her brown locks hanging over her shoulders as she just stared at the house. It suddenly felt more real to her now. Something was really wrong, and he was calling the shots. She felt like a leaf as she got out of her car, her skin chilled as she made her way to the door. Was he going to tell her they couldn't be friends anymore? Was he going back to school? Did he...did he have a girlfriend now? That made her stomach churn and gasp out loud. Why hadn't it been clear before? Was she really that keen on keeping her own happiness at bay or was she just too afraid of the consequences of changing their relationship? Regardless, this conversation was going to go a certain way and she knew that if she wanted to keep Eli in her life, she was going to have to change something. She was oblivious to this for too long now. She then reached up and knocked on the door, her hands running up her arms as she waited for him to answer. She was scared, scared of what he was going to say, what he was going to do.

Eli Cadence was the complete opposite of her. And in that moment, he was what she wanted.

"Bloody hell..." She whispered shakily as her eyes welled with realization tears. Why was she so blind? Why did she let this go on for so long? She was about to lose him and now she wanted nothing but to cling to him. She bounced on her feet as she blinked her silly girl tears away. Don't blow this, Kay. Or you'll regret it forever.

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[eli parker cadence]

She was taking too long. Why was she taking so long? Eli wasn’t exactly the most patient of young men. He didn’t like to wait for things. Especially things that weren’t exactly pleasant, or made him anxious. Kayla always made him anxious. Believe you me, he knew what a lucky sod he was to have Kayla. She was perfection; smart, beautiful... And he was just some dumb jock who barely graduated high school. At any moment she could realise she was worth so much more then what Eli could give her, even as a friend. At any moment she could drop him like the nothing he is and move onto something more worth her time.

He knew it was silly, and that he shouldn’t be so paranoid. He knew if he really had nothing to offer her, Kayla wouldn’t have hung it out with him for so long. He was just way too hard on himself; he knew that. No one else did though. That was a private part of Eli that he never exposed to anyone. His insecurities stayed so far buried, no one would ever guess that behind his casual exterior was actually some serious feelings. It was good though. He didn’t exactly want people to see that side of him. He was happy with the persona he portrayed to the world.

The kid was restless though. He sat on the couch and flipped channels; then got bored and jogged to the kitchen. Where he’d open the fridge, find nothing interesting to eat then plop himself dejectedly onto the couch again to flip channels. It was a rather vicious cycle that he was stuck in. And he was making no effort at all to break it. Why bother? There was nothing else to do while he waited. So he may as well just do useless nervous things. Even bothering to try to do something useful wasn’t going to work. He was far too jittery to focus on anything terribly important. He wasn’t even hungry. Which was saying something..

He was at the end of his cycle, lobbing himself onto the couch, when he heard noises outside. He gave a slight yelp. Man how he hated feeling so nervous. It was emasculating, really. What grown man let a silly girl make him nervous? He was being rather pathetic really. Hitting the palm of his hands into his temples, he closed his eyes for a moment. “Man up, loser...” came his annoyed mutter as he moved to the edge of the couch. Waiting for her to knock before he went to the door. It would be more than a tad pathetic if he opened the door before she even knocked. That would definitely reveal his inner needy puppy.

Once he was sure she was at the door, he stood up. Taking in a deep breath. He took a few seconds to try and compose himself before he headed to the entry hall. Stopping by the mirror, the kid raised a hand and tussled his hair a little. He wanted to look carefree, like this wasn’t a big deal to him. Ohh, maybe he should have given himself a black eye or some sort of cut? Rock out the sexy dangerous look.. Of course, that would only serve to make her stress and worry about what happened to him. Plus maybe get angry if she thought he’d started beating kids up again. Yeah no, un-blemished skin was probably best.

Pulling a large smile to his features, the young man pulled the door open. However the moment he saw Kayla, the fake smile faded instantly. She looked... looked just terrible! Like she both wanted to cry and throw up at the same time. The boy hated seeing her anything less then smiling, but this? That look on her face was enough to break her heart. Wordlessly, he collected her into his arms. Pulling the brunette to his chest . Hands working in soothing motions down her back. “Baby what happened? You look like you were in a car accident- Oh god! Were you?? Are you okay? Where’s my phone? I’ll call an ambulance.”

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[kayla]

Even if she hadn't been waiting for a long time, it still felt like an eternity. Was he making her wait? She wouldn't be surprised. There was so much that was left unspoken between them, all the things that she didn't see. Not until now. She was a horrible person for not noticing until now, but it's better late than never right? She knew that Eli had things to say, that he had strong intent for her being here, and she knew that she couldn't demean that by admitting that she was blind and just trying to get him to forgive her. She couldn't take that away from him. She stepped up to the door and waited, her hair hanging in her face a bit as she tried to keep herself from going crazy with the wait. In her mind, it felt like it would go on for decades, but it was merely moments.

She looked up at the door as it was pulled open and she was met with the sight of Eli Cadence, with a very fake smile on his face. A smile that didn't reach his ears. She didn't believe it for a second. Perhaps it was the fact that he sounded distressed on the phone, or the fact that she's known him for years, but she just couldn't believe it. And within a moment, the smile faded away and she was brought up into those big arms of his. She gasped at the sudden motion, but she didn't shrink away, not for a moment. It was safe and warm here. She liked it. She looked up at him, her lips parting gently in confusion as he unleashed a string of almost incoherent worries, asking what happened, if she was in a car accident, before jumping right to calling the ambulance.

"Eli calm down." She said softly, stopping him from making any motion to his cellphone. She looked up into his eyes for a moment before she looked away. She didn't want to attempt to sway his decisions, well she did, but she didn't want him to feel like he couldn't make up his own mind because she finally had a silly epiphany. She stood there, his eyes scanning the ground below before she slowly looked back up at him. "I'm not hurt, I'm okay. I just...I realized something on my way here, and I'm an idiot for not realizing it sooner." She said, knowing that just saying it would be a bit tacky, so she refrained. She kept her mouth closed as she looked up at him.

She couldn't believe that she hadn't noticed before. All those years, all those times they spent time together, she must really be full of herself and more wrapped up in her own life to really notice that a wonderfully devoted guy was there for her. She was too busy wallowing in her self pity, worrying about Alyson's business, to really stop and realize what she had right in front of her. She ran her hand down his bicep gently, her eyelids fluttering. "Can I come in?" She asked softly, her brown curls falling over her shoulders and slightly in her face. She knew that whatever he had to say, she would listen. However, the petite brunette wasn't ready to let him go. She knew that she was slow, that she hadn't noticed before, but she was here now. She wanted to be in his life, she just hoped that it wasn't too late.

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[eli parker cadence]

It wasn’t going to be like baseball. That fact was becoming rather clear to Eli as he stood, with Kayla in his arms. She hadn’t even spoken yet, and here he was, feeling weak and the knees. It was what she did to him. Her scent, the feel of her in his arms, how her hair curled around her face. It was all a part of why he cherished her the way he did. Was he really ready to let go of all of that? He wanted to be- so badly. He wanted to stop the perpetual cycle of getting himself attached to the idea of being with her; only for it to come crashing down around him. There was always signs that built up his hopes, that later he realised were miss-leading and his hopes came tumbling down.

Really he did it to himself. It wasn’t as though Kayla went around snogging him or throwing herself at him. It was just the little things that sent his heart running away with him. The way her eyes lingered on his when she looked at him, or the way she laughed whole heartedly at his jokes. He knew it was stupid to even let his fantasies run away with him. He just couldn’t help himself though. It was natural wasn’t it? To get swept away in emotions when you felt so strongly about someone. Especially when you spent so many hours with them, in situations that could be considered as intimate. It always got complicated when friends started to blur the lines... Stupid lines.

He could feel breath he wasn’t even aware he was holding in exhale when she assured him she was fine, that she wasn’t hurt and that she hadn’t been in a car accident. He let his arms relax around her small form. However he didn’t pull back. He wasn’t really sure he was ready to not be holding her just yet. He knew, somewhere in his rational mind that letting her go, physically, right now, would make it far easier when it came time to the metaphorical letting go. He just couldn’t bring himself to do it. When she was in his arms everything was right in with the world. It felt so natural holding her.

He had to admit, he was intrigued by her words. What had she realised along the way that had her so shaken up? There was a tugging sensation in his chest, as an idea pulled on his heart-strings. He wouldn’t let himself entertain that idea though. It was just more wishful thinking on his behalf; wishful thinking he couldn’t afford to even consider. He was just going to pull away from her, walk inside and without looking or touching her, he was going to calmly tell her how he felt and how he was going to let go. That’s what he was going to do..Right now..

Oh god.. Eli let in a sharp intake of breath as he felt her delicate fingers dancing across his bicep. Fucking-fuck. Did she not realise exactly what that did to guys? She had to right? Shaking his head slightly to clear his quickly clouding mind, the man let out a slight growl of frustration, chasing it with a chuckle. “Come on..” He gave her a small squeeze before letting her go, capturing her hand in his own. “Let’s get you inside babe.” It seemed his plan had completely gone out the window, as he was now bringing her hand up to his lips to kiss slightly as he tugged her inside.

Shutting the door behind him, the boy turned to look at his best friends. Searching eyes probing her features for some sort of hint or a sign. He didn’t want to just come right out and ask her what she had realised. That would have been far too forward. What if she didn’t want him to know? It probably wasn’t even about him. He was just.. Stupid wishful thinking. Letting go of her hand, he moved into the lounge-room. Knowing she’d follow. “You ah..” he started, scratching the back of his neck. Why was he so bloody nervous? “You need a drink or anything? I think I have some soda..”

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