c u s t a r d c r e a m p i e -- poppy

[sophie esther o'shea]

The apartment was quiet. Which was something of a novelty for Sophie O’Shea. Her house was hardly ever quiet. Except of course when Holly was asleep. During the day though? This hadn’t happened for months. Not since Holly had started skipping her day-time naps. It actually felt strange to the young woman; not to hear her daughter’s laughter filling the small rooms. She’d never realised just how empty and lonely her apartment could seem. The small confines that Sophie called home just didn’t seem right without Holly around. It was as though even the house knew how important the child was to the mother, and was missing Holly in sympathy.

Holly though, was in very good care. Her grandmother had taken her to the zoo for the day. Then she was going to stay the night at her grand-parents house. They hadn’t seen the girl in a little while, and wanted to have some one on one bonding time with her. Besides, Mrs. Flemming had noted that her daughter seemed a little under the weather. Sophie was supposed to be using this day off to read, relax- do something for herself. Because apparently she didn’t get enough ‘me time’. Which was probably true. It wasn’t as though her husband had the time to give her a break.

Sophie had tried to pamper herself. Honestly she had. First the brunette had tried to read, but her mind kept drifting off. Then she decided to take a bath. A bath was relaxing right? Only while she was filling the bath she had another idea instead. It had been a while since she’d cleaned and disinfected Holly’s bath toys. So she emptied the tub and set to work on that. Then of course, it was only natural that she clean the whole bathroom. She could hardly put the toys back in a messy environment now could she? Sure, she’d done it the weekend just gone, but bathrooms could never get too clean now could they?

With the bathroom done, she decided maybe she’d have something nice to eat. That would have been relaxing. However as she was getting out the cutting board, she noticed the slight clutter of the cupboards. So out came everything. From every draw and cupboard. She washed, tried, labelled and put away every cooking utensil and object in the kitchen. Then there was the pantry. She sorted everything into groups of similar foods, placed in order of used by date and colour. Something was on her mind. That much would have been obvious to anyone witnessing her actions. Sure, she was a clean person, but she tended to get rather OCD when she was stressed or upset.

Since she had already started, Sophie gave up all pretence of her relaxing day and threw herself into cleaning. The young woman vacuumed, polished and organized every inch of the apartment. On the plus side, at least Nate wouldn’t have reason to pick a fight with her that night? On the negative? She was so focused, it had only taken her the morning to clean. Now it was sometime after three and she still had at least a few hours until her husband came home and she had someone to talk to. Until then, she was alone with her thoughts. Which was what she was afraid of.

Biting her lip, Sophie took a deep breath. What in the world was she going to do? How had she let things get so complicated? Lucas was her brother-in-law. That’s how it should have been. Instead she had let herself get carried away. She’d let her mind get lost in the fantasy of being his princess. She’d secretly loved the idea of him not wanting a girlfriend because Sophie was all he needed. She’d talked to him about what it could be like, being in his arms. She’d gone over there and asked him to hold her. She’d- Sophie swallowed. Ending the list of transgressions in her mind. She didn’t need to go over them. That just served to upset her further.

Guilt was a powerful feeling. It made one feel physically ill. While physically, they’d done nothing wrong; hugging family was allowed, she still felt as though she was betraying her husband. It was their words. They’d never out-rightly spoken about things or their feelings. It was always in riddles and pretence. Still though, they both knew what the sub-text was. She knew they both knew. There was still a lot unsaid. Still some truths about how they felt that remained private. Enough was said though- too much for a woman who had a ring on her finger.

Looking down at the ring, she let out a slight whimper. It was because he was busy and they were fighting. That’s what she had to believe. She was letting herself get caught up on old feelings for Luke because her relationship with Nate was strained. That was all it was. She had to believe that was all there was to it. She needed to focus on Nate for a little bit. Re-discover all the reasons she had been so taken with him in the first place. Picking up her phone, she sent Nate a text. Telling him she had something planned for tonight; begging him to be home early.

She was going to make him a fantastic meal. These days it was rare she got to spend all afternoon cooking. She used to cook everything from scratch so often when they first got together. He’d appreciate it, she knew it. In fact, she was even going to be decadent and make him a custard cream pie for desert. But- Oh dear. Poppy still had her pie dish. Frowning a little, she sent another text, asking if Poppy had time to drop off her dish. She hoped she did. Not because she really wanted to bake a pie- but the company would be nice. Even the cooking was no guarantee to keep her thoughts away from Lucas, and where they belonged.

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[poppy may james]

Pie dish? Damn, Poppy had long ago forgotten all about the fact that she'd borrowed that from Sophie - in fact, she couldn't even remember why she'd had it in the first place. Perhaps she'd had every intention of baking something nice to take over to her mother's one evening but had decided against any serious cooking in the end. It wasn't that Poppy couldn't bake a pie, she just didn't have the sort of confidence required to pull off the kind of fabulous concoction Sophie usually managed to whip up. Phone in hand, Poppy walked herself right to the little kitchen in the middle of her weatherboard house, actually quite concerned about where the pie dish had gotten to.

Maybe she'd have to buy Sophie a new one? Oh, gosh, she didn't want the other to think she cared little enough to lose her pie dish but at the same time it really was taking an awfully long time to find it. That was, at least, until the thought of a lonesome little dish wrapped in a tea-towel sitting on the back seat of her car crossed Poppy's overactive mind. She'd never even gotten up the drive to take the poor thing from her car to the kitchen. Oh, well, at least she knew it was safe and sound and there wouldn't be any awkward explaining about how on earth she'd managed to lose a pie dish.

With her mind at ease and nerves settled, Poppy sent a quick text to her best friend. Yes, she had the pie dish and she'd be over with it soon. The guilt niggling at the edge of her brain about almost losing something that was leant to her in good faith was still there but Poppy was sure it would go away in time. Besides, Sophie would never find out that it had almost been a case of a missing pie dish, would she? No, Poppy would just have to pretend that she'd known where it was all along and that everything was just fine and dandy. So without further concern the pie dish was washed and dried and safely tucked into a fabric bag, ready to be taken back to its' rightful owner.

It was such a beautiful day outside that it was almost difficult for Poppy to will herself to get back in the car after experiencing a few moments of delicious sunshine trickling over her skin. Well, perhaps she'd stop in and grab them some champagne and some strawberries - if she had a glass, Poppy would have to wait a few hours before driving, but it wasn't often that Sophie was without her daughter and a relaxing girly afternoon was probably just what the doctor ordered.

The trip over didn't take long (even with the detour taken into account) and soon enough Poppy was ringing Sophie's doorbell - bagged pie dish in one hand and champagne and strawberries in the other. Offering gifts was bound to make up for the almost-lost pie dish and, in turn, ease Poppy's concern over the whole ordeal. How could she almost do something like that to her best friend? She really was a terrible person sometimes.

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[sophie esther o'shea]

By the time the door-bell to her apartment was ringing, Sophie had already fixed the entre and set it in the fridge until it was time to bake- two individual Spinach and ricotta pastry puffs in case you were wondering. And was onto the main meal- Braised lamb shanks and roast vegetables. She had been in the middle of skinning potatoes actually, when she was alerted to the presence of her best friend at her door. Putting down the potato that was half pealed, the brunette moved to the skink to wash her hands. She liked to use un-washed potatoes, they were fresher, so her hands were a little dirty from holding them. Once her hands were clean and dried, she then moved from the kitchen to the entry hall.

Sophie was actually a little embarrassed. She knew the moment Poppy stepped into the overly clean apartment she’d smell a rat. The two girls had known each other since work experience when they were in training for their professions. Both at the same youth centre. Meaning that Poppy knew full well what Sophie was like when something was on her mind, and her perfectly ordered, sparklingly clean house was going to be a giveaway. Not to mention the awkward conversation that had happened over IM’s a few days earlier. Poppy was a lot of things, but it would be rather obvious to her what was wrong with the other female. Sophie just wasn’t sure if she was ready to breathe life into her thoughts by voicing them though.

Perhaps her best option was to deflect? Try to change the subject to new and exciting things? Holly had always served as a good distraction; when in doubt focus your attention on the child. However she wasn’t around today, so that may not work. Taking s deep, calming breath, Sophie un-latched the door and pulled it open. She didn’t need to force a face smile onto her lips, as seeing Poppy was actually enough to genuinely make her smile. She was so very fond of Poppy, so much so that she considered her family. Hell, she had been maid of honour at her wedding. “Hey precious.” She greeted, moving in to press her lips to the other woman’s cheek on a soft kiss.

“Thank you so much for bringing it over!” She stepped aside, letting the other woman inside as she took the clothed dish from her hand. Shutting the door from with the other hand. “I wouldn’t have minded, I just know how much Nate likes Custard pies and wanted to make him something special..” Already, she was talking way too much and way too fast. A dead giveaway to her nerves. “I hope you don’t have any plans.. I was hoping you’d keep me company while I cook?” She hadn’t actually noticed what wad in Poppy’s other hand. Her mind was so caught up on making it seem like she was completely fine that Poppy could have been holding a squirming squishy thing with tentacles and she wouldn’t have really noticed.

“Can I get you anything to drink? Have you eaten? I’m sure I can whip up something lovely for lunch if you are hungry..” She moved towards the kitchen. Knowing Poppy would follow, or at least hoping she would. They were comfortable enough at each other’s houses for that right? She was certain they were. Before Holly, they’d take over each other’s houses regularly for their fortnightly dinner-parties they all had. While they shared locations, both the girls would help with the preparation no matter who’s house they were at. If Sophie wasn’t completely head over heels for her daughter, she might have missed those days.

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[poppy may james]

Oh, Poppy loved Sophie O'Shea. Really, truly loved her - in fact, if she was any less heterosexual she'd be very much inclined to be jealous about the fact that her best friend was already married. She was just the sweetest person Poppy knew and her reaction to seeing the blonde girl was always so pleasing. None of her other friends were so ready to offer a big, genuine smile and a welcoming kiss on the cheek. When bad things happened and she needed someone to talk to, Sophie was always the very first person Poppy sought out. It wasn't even the fact that she was a qualified guidance counsellor that made it so easy to open up, but moreso that Sophie was always happy to listen and just be there no matter what.

And so her day was brightened and Poppy's own mouth lifted at the corners as she followed Sophie through the little hallway at the entrance of the house and through to one of the larger rooms. Sophie's house was always warm. Not in terms of climate, because every house certainly got cold in the depths of winter, but the thing was that this place felt so lived in. The presence of the bright little girl who was Sophie's daughter could be felt even when she wasn't physically there, and there was a lot of love in the way the place was decorated. Sophie was such a little mother and Poppy really couldn't imagine it any other way.

At first it wasn't exactly obvious that something was wrong with her best friend, but after a few moments of constant babbling had gone past Poppy began to pick up on it. Whether it was the fact that she knew Sophie so well or the fact that she had been thoroughly trained to perceive odd behaviour wasn't really something that mattered, the fact simply was that Sophie wasn't herself and Poppy was very curious to get to the bottom of what was happening. Hell, even the fact that she'd obviously cleaned the house until it was spotless and was planning on cooking a feast seemed strange. She had the day off, for goodness sake, she should be relaxing and having fun.

Taking off her coat and laying it neatly over the top of one of the armchairs, Poppy made her way into the kitchen and put the champagne bottle and the strawberries out on the bench. Without even thinking or asking she moved to pull two champagne flutes out of the top cupboard (Poppy had done it so many times in the past it was almost an automated response). Right now they needed to sit and drink and talk. And then maybe paint each other's nails and lay out in the sun and talk. Hell, they could whip up dinner later but as far as Poppy was concerned, Sophie's problems were more important than a damned pot roast or whatever she was planning to make.

"Sophie, honey, I'm not hungry. I do look after myself, you know. Now I want you to sit and take a deep breath. I'm going to poor you a glass of champagne and then you're going to tell me all about what's wrong." Poppy stated this very matter-of-factly and proceded to pop the cork on the champagne and poor her best friend a glass. She slid the drink across the bench to Sophie and watched her with careful eyes.

"Don't pretend nothing is up, either. That might work with some people but I've known you too long to believe it."

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[sophie esther o'shea]

Sophie really wasn’t sure why she’d be surprised. Of course Poppy was going to notice. Still though, as the blonde spoke as though she were talking to someone rather worked up, the other let out a slight gasp in surprise. She’d already started to finish the pre-paring her potatoes when Poppy spoke. Putting down the spud from her hand, she turned to face Poppy. Eyes wide. Her first instinct was to deny. However the other woman put the stop to that before she even had a chance to consider it. Biting her lip, Sophie watched carefully as Poppy filled a flute with Champagne and slid it across to her. There was Champagne? The brunette had only just noticed it. Poppy must have brought it in with her, how thoughtful.

She stood in silence for a moment. Staring at the drink. It was rather inviting. Even Sophie had to admit that. She bit her lip, eyes glancing from the glass to her un-pealed potatoes. They didn’t need to be on right that moment, and a lot of the other processes that went into preparing the meals she had chosen. One glass wouldn’t hurt anyone now would it? After all, Poppy was right. Sophie really did need to calm down, or she was going to drive herself completely crazy over this whole thing. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes for a moment. “Perhaps one glass wouldn’t hurt..” She wasn’t going to deny she was a mess, but at the same time, Sophie also didn’t want to just come out and say it.

For one, she wasn’t even sure what she could say. I think I’m in love with my brother-in-law, or at least I keep imagining how life would be with him wasn’t exactly what you start conversations with. She wasn’t even sure if that was even the case. It was all just so confusing. Moving away from the bench, Sophie went to the fridge and opened. After a moment of searching, she found her hidden packet of chocolate biscuits. Putting them on the bench between herself and her friend, closing the fridge. “It’s nothing really...” She tried to say casually. Moving to lean against the bench as she picked up her glass.

“Things with Nate are just a bit strained, that’s all..” She pulled a cheery smile to her lips as she spoke. She decided that was a safe way to start the conversation. After all, that was the truth. Things weren’t right between the O’Shea and her husband. Even taking Lucas out of the equation. “He’s not home a lot and when he is, he’s just really stressed.” Taking a sip, she closed her eyes. It was actually really tasty. Sophie wasn’t the biggest drinker, but neither was Poppy, so it wasn’t a surprise that they liked the same things. She took another sip before putting the glass down, and helping herself to a tim-tam. Chocolate was always good too, in times of stress. Even when she didn’t want to admit she was stressed.

It seemed that now she’d started talking, it was all flowing out. Or at least, things concerning Nate were. “He gets upset easily when he’s stressed, and has no patience for Holly. It gets us both down really. Sophie really misses him, but when she sees him he doesn’t want to just play with her, or cuddle her. It makes her rather sad... And we’ve been fighting a lot....”

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[poppy may james]

So she'd been right. Well, it wasn't really all that surprising to discover that something was, in fact, playing on her best friend's mind. Sophie had been acting very unlike her usual self since the moment Poppy had walked in the front door - was it possiblt that the pie dish had been some sort of excuse for a companion and some sort of discussion with a person who wouldn't judge her based on her feelings and the problems in her life? Well, whether it had or not, Poppy was simply glad she could be here when Sophie seemed to need her.

To be honest, she still wasn't entirely convinced that the words pouring from Sophie's mouth were the honest truth. Yes, she was aware she and Nate had been experiencing some problems lately, but she was far too jittery for that to be the only thing playing on her mind. For now, however, Poppy would listen. She'd listen until the pair of them had more champagne in them and were more willing to communicate a little more...openly. She was an intelligent person and trained to pick up on things that didn't seem quite right. Certainly this was one of those times.

"Every marriage has its' ups and downs, Soph..." Poppy began, moving around the bench to take a seat at one of the bar stools, one hand went over the top of one of Sophie's in a comforting manner so that she wouldn't feel like Poppy was trying to shoot down what she was saying. "I know that you've felt a little...neglected...lately - maybe you need to talk to Nate about it? He has been working an awful lot and it would be nice for Holly to be able to see him some more, wouldn't it?" Well, she didn't want to press the matter much more, so instead she picked up one of the chocolate cookies and bit into it, chewing thoughtfully for a few moments.

"Is that all it is, honey? Because you know that if there's more you can tell me. I'm your best friend and a trained counsellor, everything you say to me is confidential and of course you know I'll be entirely non-judgemental." If there was anything else Sophie needed to get off her chest, then she had no reason to keep quiet about it, especially not with Poppy around. Although she was probably the worst person to be giving out any sort of relationship advice, she could at least offer a listening ear and support the decisions her friend felt she might need to make.

Poppy had wisened up recently to the fact that Sophie and Luke were incredibly close. Aside from the fact that they spent a great deal of time together, there had also been some subtle hints dropped by Sophie herself. She didn't want him getting a girlfriend? Well, that alone spoke volumes about some sort of jealousy. Although the situation and even the subject was incredibly taboo, there was no reason to hide it from Poppy. All she really wanted or cared about was her best friend's happiness.

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[sophie esther o'shea]

It felt good to let at least half her situation out. Especially knowing how supportive Poppy was. How much she understood Sophie and what she needed from a relationship. They’d spoken many times before about how Sophie liked quality time as opposed to material belongings. What she couldn’t understand was why Nate couldn’t see it. They’d known each other longer then she’d even known Poppy, yet at times she felt like he didn’t know her at all. It was so frustrating. No matter how much she tried to talk to her husband, he just didn’t seem to listen. Him and his silly list of priorities. Sometimes she just wanted to throw his list out the window so he was forced to enjoy the now and not strive for things he still didn’t have.

“He barely has time to talk about what he wants from the store let alone a serious issue..” she mused, sighing deeply. “And each time I try to bring it up it just turns into a fight and I don’t want that for Holly. That is not an environment I want my daughter to grow up in at all- with parents fighting all the time. I want her home to always be warm and loving.” Shaking her head, Sophie took another bite of her biscuit. “I know it may be wishful thinking, that everything can’t be perfect all the time but is it so wrong to want that for my little girl?” She glanced at Poppy. She knew she was rather idealistic, but she just couldn’t help it. It was natural instinct for a mother to want things perfect for their children. Her own parents had wanted the same for her.

In fact, so much so that her mother (her father would have to, had he not been oblivious) had strongly disliked the fact Sophie had been so devoted to Luke, back when he wasn’t clean. She had loved the boy as her own and of course she wanted to help him but Mrs Flemming had seen the way Sophie looked at Luke. She knew her well enough to know when she was in love. Sophie’s mother didn’t want the pain of loving someone who was lost, of someone who had to deal with their own mess before they could return the love. Still though, the woman stood by her daughter, and did everything she could to help Sophie. It was what mothers did, they loved and supported unconditionally and always wanted what was best.

“Something else... Oh.. no it’s noth-“ The sound of her beeping phone cut Sophie off. “Hold on..” She put down her chocolaty treat and moved from the kitchen. She had left her phone on the coffee table in the lounge room. Sitting down on the couch, Sophie picked up the small device and accessed the text message that had come through. It was from Nate. Sophie felt a small thrill run through her as the text loaded. So much was pending on him coming home for dinner. She had talked herself into thinking that if she cooked him a fancy meal it would all end up okay. That it was all it took to set things right again. She knew it was silly and girly but she couldn’t help herself.

Sophie’s face fell as she read the message. He couldn’t get out of work until about seven at the earliest and he’d probably eat on the way home. The woman bit down on her lip, closing her eyes. He wasn’t going to be home early and he didn’t want to have dinner with her later. Sophie could feel her heart break. Falling in pieces into her stomach. She was questioning everything now. Was any of this even worth it? Letting out a slight sob, she took one of the throw-pillows from the couch to hug to her chest. “Looks like I won’t need to cook anymore..” She called to Poppy, trying not to sob again.

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[poppy may james]

Oh, dear, Poppy really had gotten herself in a little too deep here, hadn't she? Perhaps if she was having a similar discussion with someone she wasn't attatched to it would be easier to answer the questions and offer support. Poppy knew she'd say the right thing if it came down to relationship problems between one of her clients and their significant other- but Sophie? Well, Poppy wanted Sophie to be happy, and she certainly didn't want to give her advice that would make her unhappy in any way, did she? So how could she know what she should say? What if she couldn't tell Sophie what she needed to hear?

She was a qualified counsellor and situations like this really shouldn't be too hard, but there was such a difference between clients and her friends. Poppy felt useless in this situation - all she could do was nod her head, hands clasped in front of her and brown eyes wide while she listened as carefully and as intently as possible. "I think it's perfectly normal to want that for your daughter, Soph. In fact, I'm not sure if you'd be a very good parent if you weren't thinking those things." She didn't mention Nate, nor did she mention Luke, despite the fact that she knew this had to have something to do with the other man.

Before she could go on and before Sophie gave in and said anything else she was dashing off to get her phone. It was kind of obvious the moment she read the text that it wasn't anything particularly delightful, and Poppy visibly winced when her face fell. Shit. What was she going to do? Oh God Poppy hated it when people cried. Even in therapy she never knew what to do - sometimes comforting them only made it worse. But this was Sophie, right? And she'd comforted Sophie plenty of times in the past, so maybe she'd just have to swallow her fears and get to it.

Sliding off the stool she'd been sitting on, Poppy padded across the floor towards her best friend and wrapped both arms around her shoulders. One hand went to smoothe Sophie's hair and Poppy kissed her temple before she pulled away again, her own fair eyebrows creased in a concerned sort of expression. So, Nate wasn't coming home and all that food preparation was going to go to waste? Sophie certainly couldn't be left here by herself for the night, especially when she was upset.

"I'll tell you what. I'm going to stay the night with you, okay. I'll go and pick up some clothes and my toothbrush and things, then I'll get us some wine and some pizza and we'll have a girly night. We can talk, do face masks, maybe watch some Sex and the City reruns? Yeah?" Well, the best way to avoid problems was to take your mind off them with the things that made you happy. "And some chocolate. I think you need a bit of a break from everything, Soph. You need to just get away and have some fun for a change. If you don't want to stay in we could always go out? Dinner and a movie? The cocktail bar? Whatever you want."

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[sophie esther o'shea]

Sophie exited out of texts. It was really no use replying. She knew her husband well enough to know that it was no good replying. For one, she was surprised he’d even read her first text at work. The man didn’t like being interrupted on the job. He once didn’t even answer her call when Holly had been ill. Secondly, his mind was already made up. What was the point in trying to change his mind? The cold, hard, truth was that Nate would never choose Sophie over work. She knew he worked so hard because he felt it was the right thing by her, but that didn’t change the fact that it wasn’t. The right thing would be to give their relationship some time. To actually be a family. The sad thing was, they both had family values. They just had different ways of showing and up-holding those values.

Biting her lip, she put her phone down on the coffee table. Sophie hated this. She was a grown woman, and yet here she was crying over a silly little thing like being denied a date. Silently she cursed the stinging tears behind her eyes. It was a good thing it was just Poppy there. Sophie would just hate for anyone else to see her get so upset over such a trivial thing. Seriously? Who got so upset about their husband being late home? It wasn’t so much of a big deal. At least it shouldn’t have been a big deal. “I don’t want to go out... We’ll just stay in..” She bit her lip, looking down at her phone.

Picking it up, she hesitated for a moment. Finger shaking slightly. She knew what she wanted to do. Exactly what she wanted. She wanted to send Luke a text and ask him to come over for dinner. Then perhaps curl up with him and watch a movie. Falling asleep against his chest only to wake up to her husband’s disapproving face. Yes, that was exactly what she wanted, but it wasn’t exactly the right thing to do. Selecting her messages, her fingers hovered over ‘create new text’. If Poppy wasn’t there, she probably would have done it too. Closing her eyes, Sophie let out a low sob. What was she doing? Using Luke as the constellation prize when Nathaniel let her down? That just wasn’t fair; to anyone. Or, was Nate the constellation prize because she couldn’t have Lucas?

Wow. She really was a terrible person. Letting her phone slip from her hands, Sophie felt her shoulders shake with the sobs that were coming on fast now. “Oh god. Poppy. I’m a terrible, horrid person.” Opening her eyes, she turned to look at her best friend. Salty dears dripping from her cheeks. “I’m a horrid person and I just don’t deserve either of them.” She realised she wasn’t making too much sense but that was the best she could do. She wasn’t making much sense in her own heart. Let alone enough to explain to Poppy what was going on. “I’m using both of them..” she breathed helplessly. Biting the inside of her lip. “I should let them both go.. or Choose..”

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